Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A slew of emotions

My current slew of emotoins:

Happy- I dont even know if happy is the word for it. Take happy and multiply it by a hundred. What word is that? I find myself smiling every day lately. I am so happy that this miracle has finally happened.

Amazed- I am amazed at everything going on inside of me that I cant even feel. Everyday I read about what development is going on and, even though I know all babies go through this same development, I cant help telling my baby "wow, you are soooo amazing! You are working so hard every day to develop! You are truly miraculous and strong!" I am amazed at all that is going on in such a tiny little being.

Sad- I am sad for everyone out there that is still fighting the infertility battle. Sad that so many havent gotten their miracle yet. I find myself thinking of them often.

Scared- I'm afraid at being so happy in the first trimester. I am terrified of miscarriage, I am not sure I could cope with that. I am not convinced I am strong enough to handle that. I cant wait to get through the next couple months so I feel more safe.

Excited- I am excited for my Mom. She has waited for this for just as long as I have. She has been there for me through it all, and the one person that I could talk about all my feelings, even the ones I was slightly ashamed of. She is excited for me, too. I am so greatful I have her to share this joy and miracle with.

Anxious- I am anxious to hear the heartbeat, anxious to feel it kick, anxious to know if I am having a boy or girl, and most of all, anxious to know if I am carrying one or more. I have been on Clomid which increases ovulation. But I wasnt on it becuase of not ovulating. So, the vision I have going through my head is.... I was on Clomid for five months increasing ovulation but had problems with my ovaries. Once I had the surgery and all was fixed I envision all those eggs bursting out and getting fertilized. I know I am probably way off but I cant get that though out of my mind. I will be happy with whatever I have. I am not sure how prepared I am for multiples, but I will have plenty of time to get ready. Besides, are you ever REALLY ready for several babies at once? Especially like 4 or 5! I am thinking that if it is more than one that it is two, no more.

So those are my emotions right now. With the way I am going these days, I'll have a whole different list tomorrow!

9 comments:

Selmada said...

I know those emotions. Soon, you'll start going through all of them in minutes!
Its nice to have someone at the same stages to share the journey with!

nancy said...

Hey - congrats to you! I saw you comment on my blog and on lost and found today too. What is your IF backstory? Everyone's gotta have a timeline on the sidebar for easy access! hint~hint

Another Dreamer said...

Visiting from Mel's bar... I just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS! I'm always so happy to see success stories. Hope it works out for you!

Kristin said...

Huge congrats on your pregnancy!

nancy said...

Oh wow! You got pregnant on just having a clomid cycle after surgery? Awesome!!!

FattyPants said...

Over from the lushary. Congratulations, I wish you a happy and uneventful 35 more weeks.

Amy said...

Congrats! I'm visiting from Mel's Lushery, and I'm so happy for you! All of your feelings are so normal and I can completely relate. It's hard to feel them all at once, but it really is just all so amazing.

Brenda said...

Congratulations! I can only imagine what you are going through. Does it ever really stop?? So, so, so happy for you. :)

Stopped by from lost and found

Andrea Ramsay said...

Hello everyone you need to read my story on how I got pregnant, today is my first daughters one year birthday and I want to use this medium to tell all women who have lost hope and are in pain of not having their baby or getting pregnant. My name is Mrs. Julian Roberts and am 46years old and I have been trying to get pregnant and I have been married for over 22 years with no child and during this period I have married 2 different men still I didn’t get pregnant for my husbands during this period thou my ex husband loved me but because their was no child they ended up leaving me until I married again my third husband who promised to stay with me no matter what I new he loved me but I can feel the loneliness in his eyes when ever he saw a little baby , thou he wasn’t saying anything I new he was not happy so one day I was browsing the internet on how to get pregnant until I saw a comment saying how DR Zogo has help them get pregnant with his pregnancy spell , so I copied the email address of the great spell caster and I sent him a mail and said all my sorrows and told him what I want was to get a child I can call my own child, he replied me and he ask me for some information which I gave and did all he ask me to do he bought some items and use it to cast the pregnancy spell and after few days I noticed some feelings and I checked with the doctor it was confirm that I was pregnant and I promised my self I will tell the world of this great spell caster once my child is a year old, today is my child birthday and am using this medium to tell all those that use to be in my case to contact DR Zogo for help, he has help me and I believe he can help you if you need to contact him this is his personal email address zogospellcasters@gmail.com