Surgery Anxiety

Tomorrow I will be having a laparoscopy and HSG. The lap is to see if I have endometriosis, and unfortunately the only way to check for it is to go in through your belly and look for it. I have never been 'put under' before and I am a little nervous about it. The HSG is to see if my tubes are blocked. I am really hoping to get some answers tomorrow. Even if the answers arent exactly what I would like to hear just knowing something would be great, I think. At this point I am so tired of the unknown I just want to know something so that we can make a plan to overcome whatever it is. If I get no answers tomorrow and they still do not know why I have not been able to conceive it will be disappointing. I guess I just want answers so we know where to go from here.

I talked to a family member today that has gone through many of the same fertility issues that I have been going through. I havent talked to her in over a year so I didnt think she was someone I could count on for support. And even though after one phone call I still cant count on her, it was still nice to talk to someone that has gone through it first hand. My Mom has also been super-supportive through the entire process and has been great to talk to.

This past weekend I went winetasting with my Mom and best friend. I am really happy that I had the weekend right before my surgery to look forward to, it really kept my mind off of it. But that means it all kind of hit me today full force! The people that know about it all called me today to say good luck and that they will be thinking about me tomorrow, I sure did cry a lot today! I guess having the surgery is just making infertility so real to me and that is why I am having such a hard time with it. It is a very mild surgery so it really shouldnt upset me so much but it is. I guess it doesnt help that I am also PMSing and extra emotional anyway. Sometimes I think ya just need a good cry, well today was my day!!

On a lighter note, the winetasting weekend was VERY fun!!! We stayed at a very cute little cottage right near several wineries. I had good food, good wine, and great company! It was a wonderful stress-relieving weekend and did wonders to keep my mind off the upcoming battles with infertility.

Well, wish me luck... I will post and update about how the surgery went as soon as I am able to.