I am a little late in posting this, but last Tuesday I had my follow up with my doc. She explained everything really well. She showed me pictures of my insides (they look a bit different than I expected!). My ovaries were completely fused to my pelvis, uterus and tubes. She was able to cut one free completely but the other one was so stuck to the other organs that she wasnt able to free it completely. She said that on the side that is still partially stuck, my tube may not work normally even though it is not blocked. So, every other month (when I ovulate on that side) my chances of conceiving are much lower.
The cause for the ovaries fusing together is most likely old endometriosis but she did not find any active.
She also showed me on the photos that one ovary was twice the size of the other one due to a large cyst. She ruptured it during surgery and drained it and it should be fine now.
She increased my dose of Clomid and extended my prescription (ugggh, I hate clomid!). I have been on it for 5 months and will be taking it another three. I get headaches and hot flashes really bad on it and am extremely irritable.
My doc said that the next two months are my best chances for conceiving so I am doing everything I can. I ovulated on Thursday and my temp spiked today so I am keeping my fingers crossed over the next two weeks. I am really hoping this is my month! I have been trying not to get my hopes up each month so I dont set myself up for a big dissappointment but I just cant help myself this month, I am really excited and hopeful!
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On another topic... after several months TTC, when I was already frustrated and going through tests to see why I was not getting pregnant, my brother told us that he accidentally got a girl pregnant. A girl he was only casually dating and they were no longer seeing each other. A child conceived that was unplanned, unwanted, with a mom that is not ready and too young. It hurt at the time, it is hard to understand how so many people get pregnant accidentally and others try so hard with no success. Well, since I first found out I have come to terms with it, accepted it, and have been fine with it... until last night. My Mom called to tell me that the baby was born. First, it really put into perspective how long we have been trying. This girl went through her entire pregnancy and is now having the baby. My Mom went to the hospital to see the baby (who my Brother wants nothing to do with) and sent me a picture. She called me when she left the hospital talking about how little and sweet and soft she was. My family has MOSTLY boys so my Mom has been wanting a little girl in her life for YEARS. I was hoping to provide her with a granddaughter. She kept talking about her little granddaughter and I tried to be excited, but I just kept crying. I felt like I was grieving, grieving for a lost dream, grieving that my Mom was there in the hospital with a new mom that she doesnt even know, visiting a granddaughter she will probably rarely be able to see. I wanted to give her that granddaughter, and it might sound extremely selfish, but I was sooo jealous that someone else gave that to her before me, that the someone else is a stranger to our family.
I feel like I need to call my mom and tell her why I didnt really share in her joy last night, but dont know how to tell her without crying. And maybe I shouldnt tell her because I dont want her to think she cant talk to me about her new granddaughter who she is so excited about. I need to be there for her and share in her joy, just has she has ALWAYS been there for me.
The Quiet Zone
7 hours ago
Posts
9 comments:
Tell her--maybe write it if you can't get the words out. But I think it will be as important for her to hear as it will be for you to say.
Aaah, and here is your glass of Cavernet Franc.
Hi there -
I stumbled across your blog from...actually, I've been hoping around all morning, so I don't know where I found you from :-) I wanted to say that your story moved me and hang in there! My mom had a really hard time getting pregnant (it took her years, but that was way before some of these advancements), but she made it. I'll be reading to follow your story! Good luck!
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this cycle for you guys. Clomid is evil - I'm sorry you have to take it. I felt worse on that than I did most of our IVF meds! But I will keep you in my thoughts that it works like a charm. Sorry about having to hear the news about that girl being pregnant - it's like pouring salt in an open wound - and it just never seems to get any easier. Lots of hugs coming your way!
fingers crossed! I wonder why the next two months are so important? Did she explain that? Sounds like you have a good doctor who can answer lots of your questions...
and, wo. that's heavy stuff and completely understandable that you have conflicting feelings about the new baby. I just hope for you that these difficulties are all foggy memories for you in the near future...in the meantime, though, get it off your chest and have a good talk with your mom. You'll feel better...
That stinks! Try writing your Mom and email and just let her know why it bothers you. I have found I end up distancing myself from people and situations rather than confronting it, I wish I would confront it and be honest. But then again... when I do confront they walk on egg shells around me which I hate too. I guess it is just a lose lose situation.
Fingers crossed for you this month.
Its so frustrating and so hard to get excited about accidental pregnancies. Harder too when your family just doesn't get it.
I too have a 'frozen pelvis' from endo. If I didnt have an fsh problem though, my chances of pg were still quite high. I'm holding out that this cycle will be the one.
I think writing her might be a great idea. Mel is right that is can be therapeutic for both of you if you can get it out.
I found you through Mel's roundup ... and am sending you big hugs. What a lot you have to deal with right now. I would put in a vote for telling your mom somehow - letter or in person - and maybe writing the stuff you did here- about how she's always been there for you and you wouldn't want her to not talk about the new baby if she wants to?
I hope this will be THE cycle for you - sending you prayers. My RE didn't like clomid and we did our first 3 cycles on tamoxifen (BFN's) and then letrozole/femara (BFP). Letrozole has been the magic for quite a few of the ladies I know from IF land, but there are positives & negatives to it. It may be something you want to research at some point ... but I hope not. ((((hugs))))
Boy - tough position you are in...
I too was in a similiar situation. My brother got his casual girlfriend pregnant while we had been trying and had already had four losses. It was the day before our IUI and my bother sat me down to tell me. It was AWFUL. I can't even explain. As a caveat I did get pregnant and deliver a baby girl six days before my bother's girlfriend. They married and now the kids are 17 months old. My SIL just annouced to the family while at 5 WEEKS pregnant that she is due exactly two days after my daughter's birthday.
What a long way to say I know how you are feeling. I just found you from Mel's site but certainly will be keeping up with you now. Best of luck!
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